Just the title of this article makes me sigh. It's not as easy as it sounds. I think LA has it's own standards. At least I like to think that. I mean all my Midwestern cousins have been married for years. Before you start asking, no there's nothing wrong with me. I'm a college educated, attractive (red hair, blue eyes, size 4, no scars, have all my own teeth), female in my late twenties. Men should be flocking. Theoretically. But, alas, I live in Los Angeles, the "city of beautiful people". You know to be honest, the beautiful people, being my competition, are the least of my worries. I can sit at a bar with the best looking of them. They're lonely too.
Throughout the years I have noticed Los Angeles breeds different types of men then the rest of the country. Now, hold on there big guy, I'll be the first to admit that there could be some very attractive, normal, educated, men out there reading this. To you, I apologize in advance. I encourage you to continue reading and laugh with the "girls" about the idiots we have stumbled upon in our life's journey. . .or at the very least our journey down Sunset last Saturday night. And if you truly are a fine upstanding man with a great personality, I also encourage you to find any of my single girlfriends, as soon as possible.
With that said: Los Angeles, the entertainment capital of the world. There are ONE ZILLION, (I'm not exaggerating), people trying to break into show business in this city. This creates certain categories of men. Let me begin with the first, "Actor guy."
Actor guy can be spotted in the grocery store on his cell phone. He's talking to his agent about his audition for the "big Spelling project". He's at the gym, making a huge ruckus surrounding the fact he just benched all that weight. Or at a club, with the "cool bed head" hair and colored pager that matches his colored cell phone.
He's the guy who's bumper adorns stickers that say, "I brake for audition's" or "I can't I have rehearsal". He's giddy that he just booked a Pringle's commercial. And is appalled you can't see that all of his "theatrical training" has final paid off. And he's the guy that without fail, I run into every time I go out.
In addition to the above-mentioned qualities that make him a major LOSER, he undoubtedly earns his living as a waiter. I mean no disrespect to the wait staff of any eating establishment -- many a friend of mine has been or is currently a waiter or waitress. I have nothing but the utmost respect and empathy for what they do. (Please don't spit in my next order). The reason I even bring up the whole "waiter" issue is if you are barely making your rent, and have to buy three hundred more head shots by Tuesday, you're probably not looking for a relationship right now.
If all this has not convinced you that actor guy's not a viable option for single women. Let's put him in a situation. You be the judge.
The scene: any bar in Hollywood. In sashays a group (they NEVER travel alone) of actor guys. Dressed all black. More often than not, a shiny black shirt made of some material not found in nature. They're already laughing at some witty remark one of them just made. They approach the bar before they even peruse the ladies --ACTOR GUY FORMATION-- (pause to pose) and release. They order some sort of imported beer (Hey they got the residuals from that Saved by the Bell playing in Europe. They can afford it).
They slyly eye the room. Not too obvious. They don't need to find anyone, they'll be found. A lady is spotted. The following happens in rapid-fire succession: A look to the pager, pulls out the cell, calls the agent, a knowing nod of the head from a buddy, a question, "Did you get it?"
No response. One of the others, "get what"? "Dude, he was up for that thing on the WB". "Did he get it?" "You got it dude1x" "Man I was gonna go out for that, but I was doing that thing". They eye the room again to see who's listening.
And without doubt some girl (usually blond) saunters up to the pack and with a giggle tries to squeeze in to order a drink. Another success for actor guy. I would continue on with this scenario, but really by this point I have either gone home, or just done enough shots to forget the whole thing.
