He's the kind of guy who can sit among five buddies, tell a story about an experience we all shared, yet nobody remembers the occasion like Deals does. Sometimes I say, "Yeah I remember that too, Deals" (wink, wink1x).
You see, in Deals' world, fact and fiction are sometimes the same thing. Deals is one of those guys who has been telling lies and BSing people for so long that even he doesn't know the truth from a lie anymore. Oh, he's a fun guy. He's always wearing a warm smile and he's always quick with a joke or a funny story. But you sure know you can't trust old Deals.
Most of us have friends or family members like Deals. People who have perfected the art of telling lies. You know they are lying but you just can't prove it. Deals is like that. He has many acquaintances but few close friends. Many of Deals' buddies just grew tired of his lies and told him, "Just go away, Deals".
Bill and Hillary Clinton are a lot like old Deals. In fact, I thought Deals was the best liar in the whole world until that morning when old Bill took the podium at that press conference. Bill looked right at that camera, and at all the reporters and his staff. And then, with the kind of straight face that would make Deals blush, told us he never had sexual relations with Monica.
Like Deals, our president has a lot of experience lying. Like Deals, he probably can't even differentiate the truth from a lie. And his lies are so "Deal-like". Remember when he said he smoked dope but he didn't inhale? That's the kind of lie Deal would tell. When you catch him red-handed, Deal makes up a preposterous story.
Now when Deals tells his stories to those of us who know him, we just kind of smirk and say, "Yeah, okay Deals. We believe you," knowing all along that he's lying. That's what I did when Bill told us he never had relations with Monica. "Yeah, okay, Bill. We believe you" (wink, wink1x). Now I bet there were people in the country that believed the president. Probably people like Deals, who are such liars themselves the truth is no longer recognizable.
Which brings me to Hillary. Now I believe that Hillary can out-lie the president any day of the week. That's probably why she believed the president when he said he never had sex with Monica. The truth, my friends, is no longer recognizable in the Clinton household.
How about the time when Hillary told us she was just lucky to turn $1000 into almost $100,000 trading futures? (wink, wink1x). Then she said she was just reading the Wall Street Journal for tips (wink, wink1x). How about the White House travel office firings? Now if you ask me, there's nobody who has even been in politics that didn't try to scare up some cushy jobs for their friends. Hillary told us she had nothing to do with the firings (wink, wink1x). Of course, it came out that Hillary was right in the middle of that mess.
And Hillary told us she had done very limited work for Madison Guaranty, a savings and loan Jim McDougal owned (wink, wink1x). Then those billing records showed up in the White House, which showed Hillary in fact, spent about 60 hours working for Madison Guaranty over a 15-month period.
So now we know that Bill and Hillary both have lied to us over and over again. Those lies, I think, cost Bill his legacy. He will always be mentioned with Andrew Johnson as the only presidents ever to be impeached - a shame even Nixon avoided. Did his lies constitute a crime? Perjury, perhaps? To be convicted of perjury, he would have had to know he was lying. My contention is people like Bill, Hillary, and Deals have no idea, sometimes, when they are lying. That distinction, that border, between telling a lie and telling the truth is so unclear to them. They convince themselves that the lie is, in fact, the truth. Just like Bill convinced himself that what he did with Monica was not sex.
Now I find myself looking at the president the same way I look at Deals. Sometimes, just shaking my head, hoping he would just go away. But that's not to be now that Hillary is running for U.S. senator in New York. The way I have it figured is Hillary should be soundly trounced just in time to start packing her bags at the White House (don't forget any billing records left lying around, Hill). In the meantime, we might hear some great stories (wink, wink1x).
And finally, after the inauguration next January, we can say to Bill what we say to Deals....just go away, Mr. President. And take your wife with you.
