The Road To Marital Bliss
 By nature marriage is often exciting and rewarding one day; frightening and disappointing the next. Experts agree that understanding what makes a marriage work is the key to building a foundation that will last a lifetime. Reaching the pinnacle of marital bliss doesn't happen automatically.
In the honeymoon stage, we try to reconcile the realities of married life with our romanticized ideals. Love alone will not sustain a marriage since it's impossible to be romantic 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Learn to appreciate your partner and show your love in everyday living. Simple, loving acts, like getting his morning coffee or washing her car, shows caring. Focus, during these early days, on merging your separate lives. Make your partner your number one priority -- above your job, your parents, your siblings, your friends, and outside interests.
The age of enlightenment comes when you and your spouse have your first series of arguments. Passionate disagreements can erupt over every part of your lives -- from household chores to the size of your future family. This is a time of conflict and negotiation. Now is the time to establish guidelines based on trust and compromise for present and future problem-solving.
The first plateau is a time to let the guidelines you've established become lifelong habits. This normally is a harmonious, even boring, stage of your relationship. Do not rush this resting period. Enjoy each other and reenergize before moving on to . . .
the building stage. This is a satisfying time in your lives -- but often the most dangerous one for your marriage. It's easy to neglect your relationship while you're establishing careers, families, and community ties.
During this busy time of your lives, you and your spouse may suddenly discover that you've fallen out of love. Key to a healthy marriage is compatibility. Devote quality-time to each other -- spend fifteen hours a week solely with your spouse. Enjoy each other's company -- talking after the kids are in bed rather than watching TV. If either of you has trouble keeping this weekly time commitment, make a formal, non-cancelable date.
By the second plateau, our priorities are changing. We're a little older and wiser. The race up the corporate ladder may no longer be as important as spending time with our family. Use this time to reconnect with your spouse and strengthen your relationship for the coming challenges.
It's inevitable that the kids will grow up and leave home -- you've entered the empty nest stage. These can be the best years of your marriage, offering the opportunity to travel, pursue mutual interests, or simply spend more time together.
Alternatively, this stage can be a living nightmare if your only common interest was your children. Childless couples do not necessarily escape unscathed. Separate, busy schedules can also leave you without a common bond. It's time to reinvent the relationship or perish as a couple. Take baby steps -- go out for dinner, talk, and enjoy each other's companionship. Don't expect to fall back in love immediately. It will take time, and possibly professional counseling, to break down the protective barriers you'll built around yourselves.
The golden years are your reward for the constant work on your marriage -- you've reached the pinnacle. Your marriage is indestructible because its foundation was built on deep love, trust, understanding, and companionship.
Reaching this pinnacle, experts say, takes forty-five to fifty years but as Gail Sheehy points out in her book, Passages, each of us travels through life at our own speed.
There is no right or wrong time to enter each stage. Childless couples or spouses in second marriages may be able accelerate their relationships because of their ability or need to concentrate more fully on each other.
Our ultimate goal is to strengthen our relationship skills and arrive simultaneously, with our spouse, at the pinnacle of marital bliss.
By Calli Soules
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