i'm wondering if you could help me. i'm having boy trouble. i dated a guy for almost 3 years. we were at low points in our lives, and its not like the relationship was going bad, but we decided to break it off anyway. in the year and 1 half we were apart i dated around, was engaged for a while, and am recently single. i invited him to a party at my house where sparks they were a-flyin'. so we've been hanging out somewhat, and i totally want to get back together. my problem is this -- his attitude. whereas before when we were dating he was sweet and loving, now he seems to have this "take it or leave it attitude". he totally sends mixed signals. one day he'll call me out of the blue, the next i will instant message him online and he says he can't talk. i'll hear from him a few days later and we'll go out and have a great time, then when i want to make plans he's busy. any advice?
p.s. he's recently been taking zoloft, if that matters.
sincerely,
feeling unwanted
Dear Unwanted:
Maybe you're feeling unwanted because you are unwanted. Maybe your ex-boy is sending mixed messages because he doesn't know if you'll go off and get "engaged for a while." Maybe he's sending mixed messages because he's depressed. Maybe he's depressed because the zoloft is killing his sex drive. Maybe this boy has discovered he has a thing for camp and Bette Davis impersonators and doesn't know how to tell you. Who the hell knows? Call me crazy, but why don't you talk to this poor witless fellow? Here's what you say: "Hey Skippy, why are you sending me mixed messages? What's with your 'take it or leave it attitude?' Can we do it now?"
The only other recourse I would recommend is what my friends and I call The Five-Year Plan. Nothing to do with Joseph Stalin, it actually just means that after you break up with someone you still love, you kind of assume that in five years you will reunite and make it work the second time around. Obviously, there are plenty of holes and disclaimers for this plan - I've only ever seen this successfully happen with one of my friends, and the catch-22 is that you can't really expect that you'll get back together, or else you'll just end up alone and miserable. Just cross your fingers and hope he doesn't get married or join a cult. And hey, kudos to you if you've managed to condense the five-year plan into the one and a half year plan.
Lady Eros
