I have no idea what to do. The dawn of the new millennium is right around the corner. And I haven't stockpiled a thing.

Make a list. That's what I need to do first. But how do I start a list of things I need to survive the dawning? I haven't been through any millennium dawnings before. Come to think of it, I haven't been through many dawnings of any kind. Sure, there were a few times I saw the new day dawning but I really was not in any condition to keep a list, check a list, or stockpile anything. On those occasions, I just wished I had stockpiled some more Tylenol.

So I'll make a list. Money. Everybody's stockpiling money. But doesn't that assume I have a stockpile of money somewhere, like in a bank, that I can move and now stockpile somewhere else? Like under my bed. But I don't have a stockpile in the bank. Maybe I am thinking stockpiling means I need to have a lot. Is it okay if I just stockpile singles? Yeah, maybe I'll just stockpile fifty singles.

But if I stockpile my singles, I need to stockpile them someplace where I can find them in case I need them on January 1. Like I said, under my bed is a good place. Or maybe in a shoebox in my office.

But what if the power goes off because the electric company isn't as Y2K compliant as they thought they were? I better stockpile some batteries for my flashlight so I can find my stockpile of money under my bed. Well, maybe I don't really need a stockpile of batteries. Four D cells will do nicely. And four of anything is hardly a stockpile, no matter how you stretch the meaning of the word.

Water, I'll need water. Just in case the water company is as Y2K compliant as the electric company. Now you really can't stockpile water. In fact, you can't even pile it very well. But I'll need water anyway just to be on the safe side. Maybe I'll pick up one of those water coolers you see in offices with the huge upside down bottle of water on it. No, that's no good. I will need electricity to operate the water cooler and we've already prepared for the power going out. Either I forget the water cooler idea or I get a really big stockpile of batteries. Maybe it's a good idea just to fill up some empty milk cartons with plain old tap water.

Now I better think about food. I should assume the gas company will be about as ready as the water company and the electric company. That means I need some food that I don't have to cook at all. I should also not stockpile anything that requires water since I am only stockpiling a few gallons. I also can't stockpile anything that needs to be refrigerated. That alone cuts down the selection. Most of the good things to eat need to be refrigerated or refrigerated once they're opened. In my experience, the only foods you can buy that don't ever need to be refrigerated or cooked are things like Ding Dongs, Ho-Hos, and Twinkies. You can also get away with Pop Tarts. They are actually pretty good un-toasted. Oh, and Spam, forgot about Spam. I will stockpile these foods.

I just have to find someone to buy these things for me. I would be too embarrassed to go into the grocery store to buy stockpiles of Spam and Twinkies.

Well, that's not a bad start to the list. I have money, water, and food. What else could a family of three need? It would be nice to watch those college football bowl games on New Year's Day but the way I have it figured, if I have to resort to a Spam and Twinkie dinner, the satellites won't be Y2K compliant either so I won't get to see the games anyway.

The more I think about it -- Spam and Twinkies? And bottled water? For how long? Maybe I don't want to be Y2K compliant either if it means living like a caveman at the start of the twenty-first century. The heck with the stockpiles. I'll take my chances that the banks, the utilities, and the satellites are a lot closer to being Y2K compliant than I am.