In my book, THE COMBINED FAMILY, I describe America's newest families as being built on a parent-child base. The relationship between the couple is added on to the preexisting relationship between at least one parent and one child.

To illustrate the difficulties inherent building a new family on a parent-child base, I framed an example using a "canoe" man meeting up with a "hydrofoil" woman and her children. If the adults decided to marry, what shape would their family take?

I realize that this whole idea is preposterous on the face of it, but follow along with me for a moment: A single parent mom and her children usually lead quite frenetic lives. They travel so fast, their feet hardly touch the ground. A hydrofoil rises on jets above the surface the water and travels over rough seas at high speeds. Many single parents and their children seem to do the same. Sometimes one-parent families travel at such high speeds, one wonders how they'll to make it to shore.

Now, to continue this analogy, let us assume that a single man, gently paddling his own canoe, meets up with this single mom and finds her wildly attractive. Let's say this attraction is mutual, and the couple decides to join forces and create a new family. Whether the couple chooses to call their new family a "canofoil" or a "hydronoe" is immaterial. The real challenge facing them is: Can this couple build a boat that floats?

A canoe glides through the water, and a hydrofoil rides on top of it. Even if this couple does manage to get the contraption together, where are going to find either glue or tether strong enough to bind their union?

To answer my own question: It's the strength of the couple's commitment to one another that creates both the glue and the tether that will bind their new family together. Without that commitment, "their boat won't float."

Jake met Darcy at a dance. As he was handsome and she beautiful, their mutual attraction seemed inevitable. Jake's only surprise in learning about Darcy was finding out she was the mother of two.

At first the idea of marrying a woman with children was abhorrent to Jake. He had lived so long without children, the idea that this beautiful young creature he was so much in love with came as part of a "package deal" was unacceptable to Jake. But he couldn't walk away from the relationship. He loved Darcy.

Eventually, Jake began to see the up side in taking on Darcy's two children. The children were young enough to grow to like, and perhaps even love him. Thus did the couple wed and bring Courtney and Whitney along with them into their union.

Now, the plot thickens: Darcy's first husband, Jack, had been married before, but he and his first wife had no children. Darcy was Jack's second wife: Whitney and Courtney were the product of their union. But after their divorce, Jack's roaming did not cease. He moved away and married Camilla; who gave birth to Jack's first son, Brandon. Soon, Camilla couldn't take Jack's antics any better than his other two wives, so she too divorced him.

There was one thing all three of Jack's wives had in common: He was each woman's first husband. Since all his wives were also nice, Jack thought nothing of bringing Camilla over to Darcy and Jake's house so Whitney and Courtney could meet their baby brother, Brandon. Jake thought the whole experience odd.

Darcy too thought the whole sequence of events rather strange, but stranger still was the phone call she received from Camilla, a couple of years later -- after Camilla too decided she had had enough of Jack's philandering.

During that call, Camilla asked Darcy if she would be willing to continue their relationship for the sake of the children, Brandon, Whitney, and Courtney. After all, the children were blood-related, even though they had different mothers.

Darcy considered Camilla's request, and for the sake of all the children, Darcy agreed that, even though their families lived in different parts of the country, contact between the children should be maintained.

These were the origins of the tangled web recently traveled by Darcy, Jake and the children. A business trip took Jake to the big city, and he decided to take the family along. What it's important to note is that Jack lived in this city, and Camilla and her son lived not far away.

Courtney and Whitney hadn't seen their father in well over a year, and besides not remembering meeting her half-brother, Whitney was beginning to lose all remembrance of her "real" dad. Thus, the adults made a plan wherein Jack would take Whitney and Courtney for a whole day.

Three quarters of the way through the day, Jack ran out of things to do with the children and called for reinforcements. Here's where Camilla comes in:

Camilla was extremely anxious for her son to meet his two half-sisters, so she suggested that Darcy bring her whole family, i. e., Whitney, Courtney, and Jake, to her place. Jack was not invited.

So here we have America's newest family, in one of its really strange mutations. Jack's third wife was hosting Jack's second wife and her second husband at her home, just so her son, Brandon, would have the opportunity to play with his half-sisters.

As the children got along well together, Darcy and Jake agreed that it would be a good idea to invite Camilla and Brandon to visit them over the summer. Of course, mother and son would stay with Darcy and Jake.

This is a prime example of how one goes about creating successful step-relationships. With good will as the glue, and nurturing close blood-ties between all three of Jack's children as tether, three adults, living in two different kinds of families, committed themselves to keeping the best interests of Courtney, Whitney, and Brandon dry and intact.

I'm happy to report, all boats are still afloat1x