For most of us parents, chances to get away for a night or two without the kids are usually few and far between. One way to make the best of those opportunities is to visit a Bed and Breakfast.

Most B&B's decline to accept children. It is not so much that they are anti-child; it's more that they are pro-parent. Part of getting away without the kids should include not having to put up with anyone's kids. It's about not only being a couple again for a little while, but being reminded that we do have a semblance of a life that is apart from being a parent. The topics of conversation around an inn's fireplace or at the breakfast table are likely much more varied that those at the schoolyard or on the soccer field. Even as we may choose to talk mainly about our children anyway, it is a matter of preference, not a function of a lack of other common ground.

To me a good B&B is a number of things. First, it is relatively small. I feel most comfortable when there are no more than six or eight rooms available for lodging. I like it when the innkeeper learns my name and knows what I like for breakfast. Details like that may slip by an innkeeper who has too many guests to worry about. But neither should it be too small. Sometimes a homeowner with an extra bedroom or two suddenly decides to hang a shingle on the front door. Although sometimes these people try very hard, it may not quite feel like being at a true B&B.

Second, if dinner is served at the inn, it should be for guests only. When an inn is also a restaurant, more often than not, it is a restaurant that happens to have rooms upstairs. The restaurant, typically, takes up a disproportionate amount of the innkeeper's time and attention. And if that restaurant is the only game in town, especially on weekends, you may well regret your decision to stay there. Having a four poster bed is no consolation if you can't get any sleep because it's Karaoke Night.

Third, a stay at a B&B can bring out the best in people. Fellow guests need to adopt attitudes of cooperation and trust when not all doors can be locked and bathrooms may have to be shared. The very nature of a B&B keeps strangers from being estranged for very long. There should be a living room, parlor, wrap-around porch, or other common area in which guests are encouraged to congregate and take advantage of the spirit of friendliness generated.

Fourth, the interior should be tastefully and imaginatively decorated with quality antique and furniture, while still providing a welcoming, comforting feel to the place. As a minimum, any inn must be totally devoid of any vestige of the nailed-down, high-traffic furnishings typical of motels. That's a given. But some inns glop up every room with an over-abundance of Victorian clutter or show an unimaginative bent toward a single cutesy theme. Stays at these places can be like a visit to a museum or you Great Aunt's house.

Now, with a number of very good, on-line sites supplementing inn books and magazines, it is simple to obtain a plethora of information on B&B's in the U.S. I recommend three sites in particular, all of which are nicely designed and easy to use.

Although viewing the sites and E-mailing for more information regarding rates and availability can facilitate the decision of where to stay, I would not finalize arrangements without first speaking to the innkeeper. His demeanor, the time he's willing to spend on the phone, his responsiveness to your questions, are representative of the type of attitude he will provide at his B&B. With all your other research, if you also get a good feeling from the innkeeper, you'll know that you've made a good decision regarding your stay.

You may rest, assured.

By Vincent Kish