Last time we explored the Theory of Primping -- which holds that the amount of fun you'll have on a night out, is inversely proportional to the amount of energy spent in preparation for the night. We also studied a couple of corollaries, which I hope also proved enlightening. Today we'll look at two additional corollaries to the Theory of Primping:
- "If I Look Like Crap, Then Everyone Will See Me," and
- "The Time Spent Picking the Outfit is Inverse to Its Appropriateness" Corollary.
"If I Look Like Crap, Then Everyone Will See Me."
With the Blind Date Theory "the better you look for a Blind Date, the worse the never--before--seen suitor will look." There's an equally true converse to this theory. It usually applies to events that don't seem to require much forethought or planning on your part, but are in reality the social equivalent to wolves in sheep's clothing. An example would be a blind date of which you have (or were given) little expectation. Hence, you put in little effort, only to find that you maybe should have actually brushed your hair for this one. (Yes, yes, yes, I know that your date should not judge you on your appearance alone. However, there is a lot to be said for a first impression regardless.)
Another example of this theory occurs when you're planning on just "hanging out" with friends. Typically, this means that a particularly laid--back male friend will call and tell you to "come over or whatever." So you head over in sweats, pizza in hand, to find yourself at a fully--realized soiree, complete with dozens of attractive members of the opposite sex who are all dressed to the hilt and wondering why the pizza--delivery person is joining the party. If you're stuck in a really sad John Hughes--esque life, your archenemy and his/her posse will likely be there as well, scrutinizing you with looks of sneering amusement. Supplements to this corollary include the "Pimples Only Appear on Friday Night" Addendum and the "Oh Look, His New Girlfriend Is Wearing the Same Thing, Only Three Sizes Smaller" Addendum.
Speaking of attire, it's time to quickly discuss, "The Time Spent Picking the Outfit is Inverse to Its Appropriateness" Corollary. The this Corollary holds that you will always, always be overdressed or underdressed if you spend too much time contemplating the outfit you choose. In other words, do not ever say to yourself before putting together an ensemble, "What kind of statement do I want to make?" Don't even try to make statements, this is always a mistake. If you think you need to make a "Betcha--didn't--think--I--could--look--this--hot" statement, inevitably you will find yourself out for a night of touch football followed by a jog in the park. And if you decide to play it casual (this usually holds true for the blind date scenario), you're doomed to a night of elbow--rubbing and hob--nobbing. Your best bet is to trust your instincts, because at least then you'll spare yourself the two hours it takes, at a minimum, to pick a statement--making ensemble. Besides, it's always better to spend that time preparing mentally and emotionally, instead of physically, right?
Obviously, this kind of advice is easier dispensed than taken. So let me know if it works, and maybe I'll try it too (
