. The author gave a list of do's and don'ts when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Her words of wisdom included, "If you aren't interested, be polite about it . . . turn him down in a way that you would appreciate being turned down yourself." I sent this information to one of my single friends, Wendy. She replied, "I'm guessing looking someone right in the eye and exclaiming, "Be gone1x" wouldn't be considered nice?" We agreed, obviously the flirtation expert/author has not met yet another type of man that Los Angeles has to offer. I'll refer to this one as, "the Idiot". I know this seems harsh. You be the judge.
Case one: The other night I was out with a group of my guy friends. I know full well that when I am with a group of men it is not only unacceptable to be "looking" for potential mates, but also fairly inconceivable. No guy in their right mind would approach a girl sitting with a large group of men. One would think.
There I sit in a booth, red vinyl of course, in a seedy local bar on the corner of nothing and nowhere. Truly a local dive. I'm having a few beers with not one, not two, but four of my guy friends. I happily bop to the music on the jukebox.
I excuse myself for a moment and go toward the restroom. Along the way I'm stopped by a (throat clear) gentlemen, who has had a few. . . not just that night, but really, in life. He says, (in a slow trailer park slur): "I . . . like. . . the. . . way. . . you. . . dance. Can you tell me where I can find. . . "? He went on to explain he needed to go to another bar in the neighborhood. I did my best to give him directions. He stops me mid sentence, "you should go with me, I've got a truck?" What? Do you not see that I'm sitting with a group of men? Couldn't I be with ONE of them? And is the "owning a truck" thing supposed to entice me? Oh, gee, okay, I guess if "ya gots a truck 'n all". Idiot.
Case two: How about this guy. . . I'm at a nice club (mid Wilshire District) for a Mardi Gras party. I am sporting my fuzzy pink full-length coat. (Brought out on special occasions -- always a fun conversation piece). A guy walks up to me and says, "Nice coat, I saw you outside and didn't know if you were coming in or working the corner -- yuck yuck yuck". I'm sorry did you just make a hooker reference to me? That's a way to make a good first impression. Idiot.
One more? Case three: I'm hanging out with some friends at a bar on Sunset. There seems to be a nice guy standing at the bar. As I order my "Cathy" (a drink I have deemed my own creation, it's a Shirley Temple with gin. Please order it in your local bar. Also please call it by it's name, a "Cathy". And when the bartender looks at you strangely, roll your eyes, throw up your hands in a "please" gesture, and ask "how long have you been a bartender? -- Shirley Temple with gin, duh").
Back to the idiot. He smiles and comments on the creative drink. Nice. Okay, I'll talk to you. We have a very pleasant conversation in the wait time for me to receive my drink. I return to my table. An hour or so passes and he comes up to me. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come home with me now. I'm a massage therapist, you have no idea what I can do with my hands." Ew1x What makes you think that is acceptable? Who raised you? Idiot.
Now the phrase, "BE GONE1x" seems sort of tame doesn't it?
*sigh*.
