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Dating Through Friends

Even though I've harped on blind dates and set-ups (see "The Theory of Primping" and "The Happy Couple Syndrome"), I have to admit that, short of putting an ad in the paper or on-line, your last line of offense in the quest for a date really is through your friends.

As with anything, you have to tread carefully here. If you're at all choosy about your friendships, you should have little to worry about, but just in case?.

  1. Not all of your friends are suitable Cupids. Your friend may be a really nice, sweet, smart person, but that doesn't mean that he/she has good judgment. Ask yourself, for example: Other than yourself, with whom are these people friends? Do you enjoy the friends of your friends--or do you consider them to be stupid/shallow/mean/incredibly lame? If it's the latter, it may be possible that you are the one fluke in your friend's otherwise ritualistically bad judgment pattern. Another good clue is the quality of the decisions that your friend makes, in terms of behavior and even in terms of things as meaningless as the things he/she buys (or how much he/she spends). Keep a watchful eye.
  2. What kind of person is your friend dating? This is a pretty obvious clue about your friend's judgment/taste, but it's often overlooked. We rationalize that our friend will be able to differentiate between his/her preferences and our own. This is not always true. Often times, we end up being set up with not-so-subtle facsimiles of the people that our friends are dating. So you might as well like that person, right?
  3. Just because your friend has good taste does not mean that your friend has your good taste. This is the most key point in the world of blind dating and friend set-ups, and the one that requires that you take your date on faith. Your friend may have an enviable wardrobe and impeccable taste in clothes for him/herself. But does he/she buy you acrylic sweaters with patchwork Santas on them for Christmas? If this is the case, it may not even be relevant whether you like your friend's significant other. Because you will inevitably be set up with some loser that your friend inconceivably thought would be perfect for you. This may be because your friend suffers from an inability to judge your tastes?or it may be because he/she figures that patchwork-Santa-sweaters and zero-social-skill-dates are right up your alley. Either way, steer clear.

The unfortunate reality about the crazy world in which we live is that it's hard enough to meet people, let alone people worth dating. And in such an uncertain world, we often have to depend on the people to whom we're close to point us in the right direction. Not only is there nothing wrong with this, but it may just be your only route towards a happy state of co-dependency. Hopefully, with these hints in mind, your path toward mutual dependence will be smooth sailing.

By Urmila Rajagopal

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