Dear Lady Eros,
My boyfriend loves to watch porno movies when we make love. I like to think I'm liberal, but these movies are dumb and sometimes gross1x What is his fascination with them? And is there any way to get them out of our bedroom, and back to the bachelor party where they belong?
From,
"Two thumbs down"
Dear Two Thumbs:
Your question is rather rare, which may surprise you. The bulk of my mail on this topic concerns guys who prefer solo sex with their x-rated videos. Naturally, their female partners feel left out. So the good news is that your fellow includes you in his porno-watching hobby.
Why does he like them? Men respond to visual stimulation much more than women. It's a fact of nature. If you want proof, consider that there is exactly one nudie magazine for heterosexual women (Playgirl), while there are several zillion for men. Guys get turned on by viewing a single photo of a naked woman. Women prefer a 400-page steamy novel for arousal. If you need further proof that men respond with their eyes rather than their other senses, think about their love of the Three Stooges--all that visual slapstick humor1x
Men also love TV. That's why they sleep with it on, use it as a night light, and treasure their remote controls above all other possessions. A recent
found that the majority of men polled would actually give up sex before they'd give up television.
Now, why does YOUR man like porno movies as part of your sex life? There are two possible reasons. One is the increased stimulation they may provide. Maybe you like candles and soft music to heighten the mood. This might be his idea of added spice. The second possibility is that it creates a kind of virtual orgy. You're having group sex--without joining a swinger's club.
I think your problem with the videos is the same as his reason (or reasons) for wanting them. You say you consider yourself liberal, so I'm assuming you have no moral or political objection to these films. Either these flicks don't turn you on--or you feel jealous of those other women in your bedroom. If you're not excited by the movies your boyfriend picks, look for ones you do like. Sometimes soft-core erotica can be as hot as triple x. Or maybe take a look at the old "classic" pornos, which were shot on 35mm film with big budgets, at least compared to the cheap videos produced today. Selecting the tapes together could become a naughty bit of foreplay, a prelude to an evening of passion. Of course you don't want to do this EVERY time you have sex--any more than you want spaghetti every night for dinner.
I'm going to backtrack a bit before I give you my final suggestion. Remember that he wants to include you in this experience. Also remember that guys and gals are created different, and sometimes you have to sit through a baseball double header to get him to attend the ballet. Give-and-take and all that. Now for my last idea: make your own sex tapes. A borrowed camera and a tripod are all you need. Your boyfriend will jump at the idea of making an x-rated video. And when you're making love for the second time that night (lucky you1x), watching yourself onscreen, you won't be jealous of those other babes.
One final caution: ERASE THE TAPE at the end of the night. You can always make another one next time1x
Lady Eros
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