I'm not a crier . . . I don't like to cry . . . I don't like people to see me cry. . . I never cry for effect or attention. Yet, I have shed occasional tears, and as a result, I have seen how men react to a woman crying -- NOT WELL1x
Their responses vary from frustration, anger, and abandonment to attempts to comfort.
The Attempts To Comfort
This is probably the most interesting and entertaining. We have all seen those men who pat a crying woman softly on the shoulder and tell her it's OK in hopes that she'll stop. Often, he's not even sure why she is crying but will still tell her "Everything will be fine" or "It's OK". If the man knows the woman well, he might try to hug her. This may actually be successful at times and result in great comfort to the woman; if he is the cause of her tears, it may result in anger from the woman instead. A woman can cry for many reasons, and it is the man's job (although nearly impossible) to determine the cause and respond accordingly. This is where the frustration comes in.
The Frustration Factor
Men have a few automatic responses to a woman crying. When these don't work, it seems they truly don't know what else to do. Their ultimate goal is to stop the tears, but when their tried-and-true methods have failed, the result is exasperation and frustration. I have witnessed this frustration the times my husband has attempted to hold me when I have been upset and my reaction was complete rejection. He was just trying to do something that has worked before, but then I changed my reaction and he didn't have a back-up. Unfortunately, this is not the best time for a man to get angry, but it is a common reaction.
Men seem to want specific rules to specific situations
I'm sorry to say, this cannot apply in the case of a woman crying. A man's hopelessness at resolving the situation is likely heightened when he is not sure what the cause of a woman's upset is, but he's at least figured out it has something to do with him. Women, especially when they are upset, don't like to have to tell a man what he did wrong. If he can't figure it out, it is very possible a woman will completely reject all efforts of comfort. This has no-doubt resulted in abandonment on the part of the man in more than one case.
What To Do?
I don't have all the answers, all I can say is: try comforting first. Women generally want a man who is sensitive and caring. What better time to reveal this side than when she is crying? Don't let visible anger or frustration be your first reaction. It will only upset a woman more, which is a VERY BAD THING, because we are not at our most rational when we are crying.
Be patient. A human can only cry for so long. If you have resorted to abandonment, be sure you are there when you are needed or the floodgates might reopen. Because a crying woman is like no other kind of woman and each crying woman is unique, the last thing I have to say to men is Good Luck1x
